I work with a European ministry organization that has recently used the phrase “skeleton and skin” on a regular basis as we make key decisions for future work. It’s a simple strategic framework to figure out your “skeleton” – the non-negotiable in any project, vision statement, life decision. Then you look at your skin (which by the way replenishes itself every 5-6 weeks) as the “come and go” of life – activities that can change direction, projects that can be done different ways, creativity that can improve or destroy. Our skeleton should give us direction to managing the ever changing “skin” in our lives.
It makes sense visually to see the skeleton as the solid framework – values that never change, life mottos that consistently give you direction, areas where you don’t compromise. In my own mind I’ve seen the skin as constantly changing – life throws things at you, you make a decision that takes you the wrong direction, life has mountaintops and valleys and we experience it all. But our skeleton, our character, we try to keep in tact, never changing, always giving us direction, even in our failures. So when we do fail, we can say “at least I didn’t compromise my values.” We have something to still hold on to despite the ever-changing skin.
So what’s your skeleton? And then ask yourself again – what’s your skeleton.…REALLY! Make a list, take it apart, examine it and then assess if your skeleton is real or imaginary. Is your list truly and deeply your non-negotiables? Or is your list a mixture of reality and imagination – some of your bones aren’t that solid and others are.
Your skeleton can be based on…
your character – love people, use things not vice versa
your foundational beliefs – God is love
lessons learned in life – never do business with a friend
even vision for the future – it’s never too late to learn something new
Take a go at it…make your list, then let it sit, then edit your list. See after all these years where you land and what your skeleton looks like. Be honest, be thorough. Even if bones break, they have been created so that they will heal. That brings me such a sense of hope, because without doubt, our non-negotiable will be tested by life’s circumstances and could easily break.
Your skin is a totally different ball game because it’s not only our life choices and the direction they take us, but it’s also life’s unpredictable curveballs that come at us. But the visual of skeleton and skin tells us that even if our skin is in trouble, our skeleton can keep us upright and in the battle. Our skin can heal itself or in extreme cases, need some grafting. But it’s salvageable if our bones are in tact. Our skeleton should be wildly celebrated in good times, when all is right with the world and the stars are aligned, and completely trusted when things go south and we are in a challenging season.
By this stage of life, we should be pretty solid on our skeleton. We’ve taken the hits and climbed the mountains and know what has sustained us in the journey. But we have a lot of life to live ahead of us. We have family to enjoy, opportunities to go and give to others, lessons to share, wisdom to pass on and a great big world still to see. Hopefully we can count on the stability of our skeleton to see us through the skin that keeps changing.
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